This story is a description of how to order a pizza in
The United States in 2008.
The reporter, in USA, adds this imaginary conversation
that is so funny…could this become reality???
OPERATOR: Thanks for calling Pizza Hut. May I have
your national identification number?
CUSTOMER: Er…I only want a pizza.
OPERATOR: But for that I must have your national
identification number.
CUSTOMER: Well … my number is … wait… 610 2049998 -
45-54610.
OPERATOR: Thanks Mr. Sheenan. I see you live in 1742
Meadowland Drive, your home phone number is 494 2366,
your office is Lincoln Insurance and the phone number
is 745 2302, and your cell is 266 2566. And you are
calling from your home.
CUSTOMER: That is true.... but where do you get all
that information?
OPERATOR: We are connecting to NSS.
CUSTOMER: What is that?
OPERATOR: National Security System. This connection adds only 15
seconds to each order. Well, what kind of
pizza do you want?
CUSTOMER: I want two of the *All meat special pizzas*
OPERATOR: I don't believe that is a good idea, Mr. CUSTOMER: What?
What did you say?
OPERATOR: Mr., your medical studies and others
sensories indicates that you have hypertension, beside
this, your cholesterol and triglycerides are double
than the acceptable values. The National Health
Insurance doesn't authorize us to sell you something
that is a risk for you. And your selection is
dangerous.
CUSTOMER: But.. then, what do you recommend?
OPERATOR: The exact order for you should be "Low fat"
soy' pizza. I'm quite sure it will please you.
CUSTOMER: How do you imagine I will like it?
OPERATOR: I see in my screen you checked out the book
at the public library called "Root of soy for
gourmets". That is why I recommend "soy' pizza".
CUSTOMER: Well, ok. Send me two large.
OPERATOR: Perfect. It will be enough for you, your
wife and your two children. The rest could serve for
dinner of your two dogs. The bill is US$ 49.99.
CUSTOMER: Ok, here is my credit card number….. OPERATOR: I'm sorry
Sir. You must pay in cash. We see
that that your credit balance on your Visa has been
exceeded.
CUSTOMER: Don't worry, while the pizzas are coming,
I'll go for money at the ATM.
OPERATOR: I don't believe that could be possible, sir.
You have exceeded the cash available for today.
CUSTOMER: No matter, send the pizzas. I have the cash
necessary at home and we are very hungry. How long it
takes to arrive?
OPERATOR: We are delayed; they should arrive in
approximately 55 minutes. I see you live near here if
you want you can pick them up. I don't know if you
want to pickup the pizzas on your motorcycle.
CUSTOMER: How do you know I'm not going in a car? OPERATOR: It appears
here that you missed your car
payments for months. The dealer picked it up two
months ago. However, your Harley motorcycle is paid
off and I see you filled the gas tank yesterday
afternoon.
CUSTOMER: Why don't you go #$%@@@+*#!!!!?
OPERATOR: I advice you Sir to moderate your language.
I saw you were warned by a traffic cop 14 months ago
because you insulted him, and ah, yes, I see a judge
gave you a sentence of 3 months in jail for similar
behavior. And you just got out two weeks ago. Are
these the first pizzas you're ordering since you got
out?
CUSTOMER: … (Silence)
OPERATOR: Can I help you with something else, Sir?
CUSTOMER: Yes. I have an ad from you that you have 2
cokes of 2 litres free with or order of the pizza
OPERATOR: I'm sorry sir, but in our ad, in small type,
there is a clause that says that we can not sell sodas
to diabetics, like the new Law said. And I can see
that in a recent check up you started to showing signs
of diabetes. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut and we
hope to serve you in the future.
